The Opposable Thumbs ­ Chicks Ahoy Disgraceland Records ­ 000000005

By William Michael Smith

	We will avoid any stage move that Styx might use. The Opposable Thumbs appreciate hecklers and other frustrated audience members. Give us your tired, poor (not so poor they don't have 15 bucks for a CD) and hungry for entertainment. Give us your request you want to see butchered. ----excerpted from Opposable Thumbs' Mission Statement When encountering a work by Knoxville's finest example of Musical Multiple Personality Syndrome, Todd Steed, a.k.a. Smokin' Dave when he plays with the Premo Dopes and as Toddzilla when he performs with Apelife (see our previous review of Apelife's "Natural Selections"), you need to bring both your head and your body. Or we could just keep it simple and say your sense of humor, your dancing shoes, a couple of twelve-packs, a dozen bottles of Boone's Farm and any left-handed cigarettes that just happen to be lying around the home front. On an encounter with Steed's bar band Opposable Thumbs, the listener travels to a warp zone somewhere between rock and roll and punk, to somewhere along the space-time continuum between Maynard G. Krebs and Rodney Daingerfield, between Sam the Sham and The Pharaohs and Ian Drury and The Blockheads. That somewhere bearing a close resemblance to the early 1980's. Commenting recently on the Thumbs' performances, Steed said, "It's always a load of fun, with much drinking and cussing." My kind of band. On "Chicks Ahoy," the Thumbs' follow up to 1996's "Our Cheapest Chicken," we get big doses of Steed's whimsical, humorous lyrics (but with enough of a biting, brainy edge underneath the humor to prevent us from classifying this as "mindless rock") and the talented three-piece band's "kick out the jams, let's party" badass rock bar band attack. The message, like the hidden track, is "Don't be afraid to have a good time, to be a decent human being, to party." My kind of record. The Thumbs' repertoire runs from the sublimely hip 'Five O'Clock' to the sophomoric 'Throw Down' ("right here on the kitchen room floor") to hard-charging '70s style Stonesy rockers like 'Wouldja?'. Along the way, we get huge doses of Steed's skewed witticisms and subtle insights and plenty of knock-the-walls-down, blow-the-woofers-and-tweeters, dance-like-a-fool rock. Steed is accompanied by fellow Disgracelanders bassist Paul Noe and drummer David Jenkins, both former members of Knoxville's Judybats and longtime musicians and engineers associated with many Knoxville projects. As might be expected, they both demonstrate a lot of savvy musicianship on "Chicks Ahoy," making this three-man unit sound very big indeed. The music is good, fun, power-chord bar-band standard issue, but the lyrics and attitude are what the Thumbs are all about. This band has developed some slyly clever songs designed to be university town bar friendly (I have a hard time imagining these songs being played in Midland). 'Free Advice From Me,' a tune in which the Thumbs offer a young lady some friendly advice (uh, I think I recognize a less-than-subtle half-hearted lover-come-back attempted pickup when I hear one), is quite typical of the wit and edge they bring to their lyrics and their presentation. If you want to get to heaven, you must try If you want to stay in hell stay with that guy You picked up at the Quickie Mart The bridge, which is a signature parody of a well-known line from 'The End' on the Beatles' "Abbey Road," has been twisted by Steed and his partners in crime so that it is just kinky enough to keep any bar crowd interested and laughing along with the joke ­ and wondering "where have I heard that before?" And in the end the love that you make was captured on videotape And it looks fake! They even get the Beatles' timing and inflection just perfect. This is vintage Opposable Thumbs wordplay and musical hijinx. If there are any "hits" on "Chicks Ahoy," the most likely suspects are the heady 'Five O'Clock' or the hard-driving 'Hit List.' 'Five O'Clock' is one of the more sophisticated musical pieces on the album and it seems likely this may be straight from Steed's soul, as the long time Smokin' Dave road warrior now finds himself a regular member of the bureaucratic corporate workaday life. Oh, come on, come on five o'clock, before my brain just stops Before I turn into one of them, yeah, come on 5 p.m. I wanna get out, be there, at home in my chair And get stoned just by lookin' around I wanna cut loose, get loud, burn words, hang out Shift back, shift back to who I think I thought I was Yeah when that clock strikes 5 My soul comes back alive Even on "love "songs like 'Electric Message,' the Thumbs come from left field with their lyrics and from the local chop shop with their guitar licks. This band can make a lot of noise with a minimum of effort. It's good noise, too. I got me a lover, got me a girl, and I even got a wife And glory be, she's a one-in-three and she'll probably be for life Now what woman wouldn't fall for a delicate, sensitive compliment like that? It is obvious we are dealing with some very enlightened men here, who've left their chauvinism days far behind. The Thumbs just keep on rockin' with the punky 'Throw Down,' another touching love song aimed more below the belt than at the heart. Jenkins plays drums like he's running on nitro, and Steed and Noe just crank up the volume and work up a good sweat. Across the rollin' hills, down the fertile land I finally found something I never understand Baby, throw down, right here on the kitchen floor Right here, this town, I'll show you what love is for The Thumbs finally rein in the enthusiasm and get serious on 'Forever's Here.' Whoever the subject of this vicious love tragedy is, she hasn't left a very good impression with Mr. Steed. Have you seen my better half With her new half of a man He got a career so he got you He knows more numbers than I do She always said love was a lie Now I finally see that in her eye Have you been with my mistake Did she give or simply take And did she promise for all time And did you fall for that old line With 'Hitlist' ("You're on the hit list/you know we won't miss/you're on the hit list/you're number 621 for the Opposable Thumbs/you're on the hit list"), we finally get to the core, to the very essence, to the essential purpose of why the Opposable Thumbs were put here on planet Earth: mindless three chord rock played as hard and loud and fast as it can be played. There's lots of screaming and the lyrics don't really have much meaning in the Big Picture, but the music just drives you against the wall. It's great. The track also features a killer saxophone solo. Problem is, the sax solo was already on the tape from a jazz session that had been taped in the studio just before the Thumbs came in to record. They stuck the accidentally discovered sax solo in at the break and it fit perfectly. Steed notes, "We don't even know who the guy was so we can give him credit. He doesn't even know he's on the record." He's listed in the liner notes as "Rocky Wonderful." Perhaps the most infectious cut on the CD is also the most laid back. 'I Miss LP Covers' sounds like one of those spur of the moment, made up on the spot songs Steed is noted (notorious) for. It is faux country and delivered in a hillbilly-come-to-town voice, and it has some decidedly unstuffed-shirt lyrics, some truly profound commentary on the state of modern life. Andy Rooney doesn't get any deeper than the telling points of philosophy that Steed makes. 1. I miss old album covers But the sound of vinyl can go to hell 2. I miss being 18 But I don't miss bein' stupid as hell 3. I miss my old uncle Freddy But I don't miss the things landed him in jail And perhaps the pentultimate Steedian philosophical statement: 4. I miss old Pascagoula But Mississippi can go to hell (Yeah, Mississippi can go straight to hell) 'Paper Man' features some fine picking by Steed and some Smokin' Dave-like Zappa social commentary about the type of people who staff our bureaucracies. Says I'm sorry, sir, that's not the form He says I'm sorry, ma'am, that's not the norm He says I'm sorry, folks, got some bad news to tell And says to himself he's sorry as well The Thumbs recreate a vintage Kinks sound with the bittersweet 'Math and Bar Napkins,' which contains kinky Ray Davies lyrics to match. The tune is reminiscent of Davies' hit, 'Come Dancing.' It all comes down to math and chemistry But I flunked out of both of those, you see You give me a chance I'll take it You give me a heart I'll break it in two Half for me and half for you There's more Kinks vibe on 'Elevator,' but this is more sinister than on 'Math and Bar Napkins.' This is no made up on the spot lyric, as Steed works the elevator metaphor to comment on the forces and sense of ennui at work in daily life. Every evening I go so high, every morning I go down low Two inches from face to face with someone I don't even know And when it's time for us to leave the ground Some look up and some look down You don't like it, you don't know nothin' But someone here's gonna push your button for you Typical of their playful nature and tongue-in-cheek lyrics, the Thumbs have left a hidden track called 'Don't Be Afraid.' It isn't rocky enough to really fit with the rest of the Thumbs material on "Chicks Ahoy." In fact, it seems more like a Smokin' Dave ditty, with underhanded social comment and vicious wit flying everywhere. Don't be afraid to sing out of tune (and Steed does!) Don't be afraid to sleep til noon We won't tell your Mom Don't be afraid of catchin' AIDS Don't be afraid to get laid Well maybe just a little bit afraid Don't be afraid of Muslim fanatics Don't be afraid of Southern Baptists Don't be afraid of Zen Buddhists, they got it made And on and on until they fade off into Frank-Zappa-Land the Opposable Thumbs go. The tape goes on forever and the fun never ends. But perhaps it is in some lines from the opening song of "Chicks Ahoy" that we possibly grab a moment of insight into what drives Steed, Noe and Jenkins. Nobody's full if they're still hungry Nobody's full if you still want me My dreams are cool, but they still haunt me Nah. Forget I mentioned it. * Get out your credit cards and buy 3 or 4 copies of "Chicks Ahoy" at www.disgraceland.com 'cause if these boys can't make a living in Knoxville, they just might show up in your town looking for a gig Contact William Michael Smith at: wms-at-rockzilla.net

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